Before the sun rose, Kaylee's hair was neatly in a bun and she donned her sparkly blue gymnastics leotard, ready for her meet. Cameron strapped his shin guards on and dark blue socks overtop, ready for a soccer game. The promise of a new day ahead of us.
When we arrived at Kaylee's meet, her face quickly flushed white as snow and she curled up in my lap. She wasn't feeling well, but as a mom, I struggled with "does she compete and tough it out," or "do we go home"? One side of my brain said: Maybe she'll feel better in a bit, she is part of a team, and has worked hours upon hours for moments like these. The other side of my brain replied: But she's not feeling well. We needed some clarity, and Kaylee delivered. She proceeded to not be able to keep anything down, and the decision was easy. With her tightly clung around me (which she hasn't allowed me to pick her up since she found out I'm pregnant), we headed home. My role today as her mom: comforter in the midst of the meet.
Next was onto Cameron's game. Halfway through the game, my son had been appointed the goalie position. It's much like when he gets sent to be the pitcher in a baseball game; my heart rate increases, and I just can't sit still. He loves it and the pressure that goes with it! Our team was already down by a few goals, and I watched on the sidelines as one slipped past him, and then another. He made an amazing diving save just to have an opponent's head hit the ball and send it into the net. He laid on the ground for a moment, and I wanted to run to him, pick him up and say, "It's okay. You'll get it next time." My role as his mom: cheerleader on the sidelines.
There are times as parents when we are comforters, running to the aid of our children, picking them up and holding them, trying to surround their hearts with the assurance that all will be okay (even when we don't know for sure). Then, there are times when we are on the sidelines with our pom poms but watching from a distance, not interfering with the game at play. Sometimes I wonder if this is how the Lord is with us. There are times when He sees us and says, "Come close, my Child. You're safe in my arms. Let's go rest and heal." And other times, "It's okay. You'll get it next time. Get up off the ground because you know the ball will come in your direction again. But just never, ever give up."
It was just one of those days. But in a strange way, my favorite moments were when Kaylee clung to me, trusting my arms to protect her and take her safely home, and when Cameron acknowledged my thumbs up that he was going to be okay even when the ball had slipped past him and into the net. That's life. And that's the assurance we have to trust the One that has all of life in the palm of His hands, even when it's hard and it hurts. Will I let God carry me when I need healing, or speak words of truth to me when I'm down and out? I sure hope so. He knows best what I need.
