Two Days and Counting....A Letter to Our Kids

Last day at the kids' amazing school...happened to be Pajama Day, treats at the end of the day and extra recess!  Not too bad!  

This was written on October 22nd; the day we told the kids about the move.  As we leave in two days for the Northwest, these words ring truer now than they did then.  We have swallowed.  And now we are ready.  

Dear Cameron and Kaylee,

In a few hours, your world will be rocked.  The sea billows will pummel the steady ship that has been your constant, secure life thus far.  My heart waits in anticipation to your reaction, but what I want you to know is how much we love you.  How much we pray for you.  How much this decision is not just about me and Dad but about all of us as a family on this ship together.  The rudder may be steering us in a new direction where the scenery looks different and the newness will be apparent, but you’re never alone.  The Captain is the One who is in charge, and we are trusting Him to guide and direct our every step in this unchartered land, and we stand on the bow, knowing we are a family. Although the unknown can be terrifying at times, we are also very excited.  This is part of our family’s story.  Each turn.  Each bend. Each wave.  Each storm.  Each sunrise and sunset.  Each day. 

We understand that this won’t be easy, and it will be a paradoxical mixture of bitter and sweet meshed together through tears and laughter.  We will focus on the sweet until we need to swallow the bitter.  And we will swallow.  And it will sting and it will burn and it will hurt.  But the sweet we will also savor and delight in, and somehow in the middle of it all we will remember all the precious memories that will remain in our hearts from our current, familiar land.  Even as the roots are getting pulled up from the ground, little roots will break off and remain in the pot; those are the pieces of us, the friends, those dear to us, that can’t physically go with us but will forever be in our hearts, part of the greater plant.  And as we are transplanted those same roots will grow in the new land with new soil, new possibilities, and new depth that helps the plant grow taller, stronger, and more beautifully. We love you more than words can say, and we are excited for you in this unfamiliar adventure.  We wait in anticipation to see how the Lord will work in all of our hearts and how He will show His faithfulness to us as we journey through these waters.   Hold on.  Here we go. 

We Love You More Than Words Can Say,

Mom & Dad

"DON'T CRY BECAUSE IT'S OVER, SMILE BECAUSE IT HAPPENED." -DR. SEUSS

THREE DAYS AND COUNTING...

In this time of preparation for the journey that is ahead of us, moments and time have been spent reflecting on the past nearly two decades in this land that we have called home, and I'm reminded of Dr. Seuss' words.  My eyes stick on the two letter word: IT.  What is the IT that has happened?
The IT is:

Transformation.

Perseverance.

Growth.

Joy.

Love.

Grace.
Friendships.

Community.

 IT will go with us.  IT will remain.  IT will always be a part of who we are, and for that I am eternally grateful.

The juxtaposition of tears and smiles are inevitable as the time has arrived to say goodbye, but there are two smiles for each tear that falls.  Grateful.  Blessed.  Beyond measure.  Beyond counting.  Beyond anything we could imagine.  

Only God knows what the future will hold, but I do know that for the present unspeakable joy escapes from my pores as I think about the past.  I soak in the warmth of the memories (and the 80 degree early-March day), and I feel joy.

8 Days & Counting 'Til Our Move: Friends Are The Family We Choose for Ourselves

A dear friend handed me a card with a beautiful necklace inside. The words delicately inscribed read,
"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves."  
It got me thinking...all those times that "family" has been by our sides the past 17 years, and the reel inside my head begins:  
For those who...

held our babies

threw me wedding and baby showers

sent letters and packages to Kenya

welcomed us when we came back 

dropped us off and picked us up from the airport

sat next to me in all my craziness at Little League and soccer games and gymnastics meets

cheered for our kids

taught our kids

coached our kids

watched our kids for one reason or another 

invited our kids 

entrusted your kids with us

listened and listened and listened

allowed us to put your names on the emergency card for the kids' school 

heard our hearts

prayed with and for us

cried with us

laughed with us

celebrated with us

mentored us

worked and served with us 

showed up at our doorstep with a hot meal

gave us hand-me-downs

invited us into your homes on holidays

encouraged and deepened our faith

inspired us

loved us...

THANK YOU FROM EVERY PART OF OUR HEARTS! 

We love you and you will always be family to us.  Always.  

Thin Silver Cross: Miles Traveled

I finger the smooth, thin silver cross between my fingers that hangs from my neck.  In the Mexican dirt, the six 17-year-old girls next to me stand huddled with arms around each other as their tears flow mercilessly against their cheeks.  I observe.  I soak in the scene.  I see each tear that drops from their eyes and is wiped by damp arms. I grip my silver cross from across the Atlantic, and the years rewind in my head:

I was 17.  It was my second year traveling to Kiev, Ukraine, for Spring break and staying in an orphanage with the most precious children that grabbed my heart and changed my life.  We walked the gray hallways, played under the cloudy sky, slept down the hall from the children, and ate amongst them.  I still see their smiling faces, hear their charming voices, and feel their tiny hands gripped to mine.  My heart broke and pieces remain there, because it was in this setting where transformation happened, vulnerability revealed, and growth occurred. And it was there when I climbed onto the pale yellow school bus with my team after hugging those sweet children, said goodbye, and sat by the window next to my best friend. A waterfall burst out of my tear ducts. This silver cross has hung around my neck since that day.   

....I look at these girls with hope, anticipation, and promise for all that God wants to do in their lives, because He's alive and active today.
And this is what I would tell those five girls...
*You won't ever forget this moment.
*Cling to each other; they are the only ones that truly understand what you have experienced.
*When you are twice as old as today, you will be grateful you allowed your heart to be broken.
*You may come back, but if you don't, let these moments in your memory remain in the forefront of who you are...no matter where your feet may go.
*Let the process of transformation that has started never end.
*Continue to seek depth, feel profoundly, love extravagantly.

My fingers move to my eyes, and I wipe the wet drops that are falling from them.  My cross descends from my fingers, it hits my collar bone, and I smile.

Eyes Above The Waves

It's one of those moments.  I feel the waves surging.  The doubts are surmounting my treading.  And this song comes on and I cling to the words:

"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

My soul's transparency reveals the places where fear resides, and where the unknown overwhelms.  But at this moment, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders...Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior."  Isn't that what my heart longs for?  Then why is it so hard to embrace?  My frailty looks for a lifeboat to rescue me from the waves, and there Jesus is.  All I need to do is look up.  See Him.  Let Him pull me up and find Him in the mystery of  it all.  And to find Him is to find Everything. 

Happy Birthday To My Ten-Year-Old!

To My Decade-Old Son:

Ten short years ago on this November day, you made your grand entrance into the world with fully-developed lungs and 8lb. 2oz of exuberance.  We had been told, "Your world will forever be changed," but little did we know how much that would be true.  The nurses wrapped you in the white-striped blanket, placed the standard pink-and-blue crocheted hat on your peach-fuzzed head and rested you in our arms. Those little sharp elbows and heels that had been kicking my side constantly were now in my embrace.  At last.

The fact that you're turning double digits reminds me that the years pass by with a simple blink of the eye.  There are millions of things I love about you, but here are some of my top ten:

1) Your compassionate heart is contagious.
2) Your competitive spirit drives you to always try your best.
3) Your care for those in the world teaches me to see others through the lens of Christ.
4) Your adventurous heart leaves no rock unturned.
5) Your joy for life shows me that life is short and to take snapshots of every moment.
6) Your determination demonstrates that the impossible really can be possible.
7) Your grass-stained, holed-filled jeans says without words that you play hard and love to have fun.
8) Your memory has stored up knowledge that blows me away and Bible verses that are close to your heart when life hits.
9) Your laughter fills every centimeter in our home.
10) Your energy drove me to my knees in exhaustion when you were one, and now I will never be exhausted from walking alongside you to see how you use that energy for life itself.

It is my prayer as you continue to grow and mature that we have given you a base where you understand what unconditional love looks like, to be respectful to those around you, to treat others better than how you would want to be treated, to understand what it looks like to walk a mile in

A rattler in Mississippi

another's shoes, to clothe yourself with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control, and to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind.  And also maybe one of these days you won't leave your jacket somewhere when you take it off!

Every day I thank the Lord for the gift of you, and wonder what in the world we did to get such an amazing blessing that is your life in ours.  It is a joy and honor to be your mom.  I love you, Baby.  And yes, I will always call you my baby.

Love Always and Forever,
Mom

Running through tulip fields in Oregon

Hand in hand with Gabrielle in Mexico

Always exploring...sea anemones along the California coast.